Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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