she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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