grandma shit on top of the toilet
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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