I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
