The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The air taste purple.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
