I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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