everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
