I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
