dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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