i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
