Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
