Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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