just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Houston, we have a blender
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
