It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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