why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Watching her eat just hurts me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
