wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
