im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
