I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
