Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
