in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
