I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
