I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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