I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
