Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
