Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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