Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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