I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
