we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i want to swaddle you in tequila
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
