Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
