I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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