i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
