Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just had sex on a roof
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
