It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
