please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
