She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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