Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
