today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
