No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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