it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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