You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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