I hate your face
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
