I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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