i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
