At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
