The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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