using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
