I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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