lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
