This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
