He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
